Comatose
by annastern2009
Summary: He needed to go in there. He knew he did, but how could he? It would break him apart, and he was almost sure he would be able to feel that part of him shatter.; Steve/Tango


He needed to go in there. He knew he did, but how could he? It would break him apart, and he was almost sure he would be able to feel that part of him shatter. There was no way it could be easy to see the one you loved laying in the hospital, unable to respond because he was in a coma. It made him shudder to just imagine Steve in there, laying with tubes connected to him to keep him fed and breathing. He had been putting it off since he had arrived at the hospital two days ago, and now that it was the third day, he couldn't just keep crowding the waiting room. Their families had come and gone, as well as everyone on the team. Yet, he hadn't been in there yet. He needed to see Steve.

_I hate feeling like this.  
I'm so tired of trying to fight this  
I'm asleep and all I dream of  
Is waking to you._

Slowly, Tango pushed open the door to the hospital room, his eyes instantly traveling down to his feet as he let them carry him quietly across the room and into the vacant seat next to the hospital bed. His hands moved up, clasping together and resting next to the unmoving body of his boyfriend. Slowly, so slowly he wasn't sure it was even happening, he let his eyes travel from where they had been staring at his hands, to the slow rise and fall of the other's chest. That was the move important movement to him, because it was that movement that let him know the other was still with him, even if he couldn't move. The doctors had told him that Steve would be able to hear him, would know he was there. He may even be able to squeeze his hand, or cry, if he tried hard enough. And dammit, Tango needed him to try. He needed to know that he wasn't alone here, that he wasn't going to be left alone in this world. They had only been together for a short year. The subject of marriage had slowly started to come up, but he knew... he just knew that he needed Steve. He needed to wake up.

_Tell me that you will listen  
Your touch is what I'm missing  
And the more I hid I realize  
I'm slowly loosing you_

Moving from watching the gentle breaths filling the other's lungs, he let his eyes continue their slow rising, before they eventually reached Steve's face. in that instant, he felt his breathing stop. He felt his eyes water over in a split second, and something stabbing into his chest. His hands clamped together, before moving to grab ahold of the closest one of Steve's, holding it tightly between his own. As if that grip alone could wake the male, could bring him back to him at that moment. An uneasy breath in, and a shaky one out. "Steve..." With a shake of his head, he let his head fall, his forehead finding rest on the male's upper arm, his body starting to slowly shake. He had been in denial before, convincing himself that when he came in here, the other would wake up, that he would be okay, and that there wouldn't be any tubes connected to him. No, instead there was one pressed over his mouth, forcing his body to keep breathing. There was one connected to his other arm, keeping him hydrated. It scared him, so much, to see him like this.

_Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you  
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breath  
'Les I feel you next to me._

His body continued to shake, and his eyes clenched close, trying to stop the stream of tears that had started. He could feel each wave rack his body, as if a wave of pain was pulling him under freshly each time. The hands that he had around Steve's gripped harder, trying to get himself under control, but he couldn't. A noise started to over take his ears, and it startled him. It took him a moment, but he realized that the sound was coming from him. He had started to mumble, to talk between the sobs that he was finally letting out after holding it all in since he had found it out. Another deep breath, but it didn't help. He couldn't get control of this, not yet. He needed to grieve, even if Steve would be okay. He felt guilty, like this was somehow his fault. He needed Steve to be okay. He needed him. Tango wanted to feel Steve's hand move through his hair, and to curl under his chin. He could see him looking at him now with that peculiar look on his face. He could imagine him chuckling under his breath and asking what he was being such a worry wort for?

_You take the pain I feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real  
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream  
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real._

"Steve, you have to wake up, buddy. I n-need you here, you know that." His words hitched in strange spots, and he knew it was muffled. He couldn't bring himself to look up again, to see those tubes sticking into the other. The tears were still falling, but he had waited long enough to talk that the sobs were gone. He was shaking, but they were just tremors, in a way. They were moving across his body, making him shake, but he didn't pay them mind. His head hurt, his eyes hurt, and all he wanted to was to go home and lay down. To wake up and have this had been a long, nightmarish dream. "Remember, we were supposed to go to the Spalding this weekend to do that event for SyFy? We were going to do the event, then stay a few extra nights to have some us time, remember? We haven't taken a vacation in a while, you were so excited. You gotta get up so we can go, baby, please. We have to go."

_I hate living without you  
Dead wrong to ever doubt you  
But my demons lay in waiting  
Tempting me away_

Glancing up, he saw a nurse glance into the room._"Oh, I'm sorry sir, I'll give you guys some time to be alone."_ He simply nodded before she closed the door, and he took in another breath. Finally, he looked back up, and something in him snapped. He couldn't just sit here talking to Steve. He hadn't even gotten a squeeze of the hand. He was starting to doubt that Steve was even in here with him, and that, that thought alone had him near spiral down mode. Standing up, he easily moved, sliding into what little room there was left on the bed, laying on his side with one arm very carefully draped across the male to rest his hand on his other shoulder. Slowly, he let his head rest on his shoulder, his eyes closing as he let himself imagine that Steve was holding him back. That they were laying in their bed back at the house. That the beeping of the heart monitor was really the radio.

_Oh how I adore you  
Oh how I thirst for you  
Oh how I need you_

The hand that rested on Steve's shoulder clenched into the rough fabric of the hospital gown he wore, his head turning to press a light, hardly there kiss to his cheek. "You have to wake up, Steve. Can you feel this? I can't lose being able to do this. We talked about going out and buying rings a few days ago, about getting married. You promised me forever, baby. You can't take that back, now. I want my forever and always with you, okay? Jersey, the team, maybe kids. You promised me we'd have our fairytale." He knew he was rambling, but what else was he supposed to do? He should have seen this coming, their life was too good, too much happy in it. Of course something had to screw up, and he had to have Steve taken away. It was only fair in Fate's eyes, was it not? He wasn't sure he would do if Steve passed though, if he never woke up. Pressing his face into Steve's neck, he breathed out, shaking again, the hand still wrapped around him.

_Breathing life  
Waking up  
My eyes open up_

"T-Tango.."

Instantly he froze, thinking that his mind was playing tricks on him. No, no no, his mind was cruel. He clenched his eyes closed, but as he felt something move on the bed, he slowly opened his eyes as a hand moved, slowly, to rest on his side. Easing himself up onto one of his arms, he saw Steve blinking his eyes slowly, the breath mask fogging from the exhaling breath that wasn't supposed to go into it. "S-Steve? You're.. and not.." He couldn't get anything else out, and he felt fresh tears start to fall. He wanted to reach forward, to move the mask, to kiss the male and thank the heavens and earth that he was awake. Fright that, if he moved, though, that he would wake up washed over him. Steve started to cough, and he quickly turned, pressing the button to call the nurses. A hand grabbed ahold of his hand just before he pushed the button, and he glanced back at Steve, looking him in the eyes for the first time in days.

"I.. I p-promised you that... that fairytale. I.. I w-wouldn't take that a-away now."

Though the words were broken because of the unused, scratchy voice and the constant coughing, to him, they sounded like heaven.


End file.
